Dear FYI Depression Expert,
How do you know if your therapist is a good fit? I have a terrific therapist, but he never gives advice. I don’t really like just talking and talking, because I feel like I’m spending a lot of money, but not getting anywhere.
Dear Therapy Talker,
This is a difficult and important consideration when you begin your healing process. A good therapist, even a decent one, will not give you advice. Friends and acquaintances will do this for you, and it is free. A good therapist is there to help you, not to be your friend. That said, you should feel that you can count on your therapist to be there for you when you’re feeling your worst, or your best. It seems like a good sign to me that you talk a lot to your therapist, because it means you feel comfortable opening up to your therapist.
The best thing to do is to discuss your ambivalence with your therapist. If after a few more sessions you do not feel it is a good fit, you can ask for referrals to try someone else. Therapy is expensive, but keep in mind how long you have held onto your story and your pain. It will take time to let go. Talk to your therapist about the meaning of how much money you pay, and make this a part of your process together. Your therapist should be open to hearing your feelings about therapy and you should be able to express yourself fully to your therapist.
Finally, try to avoid stopping therapy suddenly, because ambivalence may have meaning well worth uncovering, and you may pass up an opportunity for growth.
Derron Santin M.F.T.