Dating Don’ts: Why Crying May Be the Ultimate Turn-Off

Tears have their place ladies, but not the bedroom. Tears have chemosignals that impact testosterone, according to recent research, and men lose a little of their libido when we cry.  The study was not conducted to prove anything about love, dating or sex. Rather, the study was conducted to find out more about the nature of tears, because emotional crying is a uniquely human trait.  Could proving tears have chemical signals in part explain why we cry?

Chemosignals are pheromones that we secrete. Our body secretes nasal trails about our character, mood and genes. Our sweat stinks, but tears just taste salty; they don’t really “smell.” Apparently, they do, enough to turn a guy off. As part of the study researchers had men take a blind sniff test. The men sniffed freshly cried tears shed by women who just watched a sad movie, versus a saline solution.  According to the researchers, “We found that merely sniffing negative-emotion-related, odorless tears obtained from women donors induced reductions in sexual appeal attributed by men to pictures of women’s faces. Moreover, after sniffing such tears, men experienced reduced self-rated sexual arousal, reduced physiological measures of arousal, and reduced levels of testosterone.”  This happened without any of the men actually seeing any of the women cry. Odorless tears must, like sweat, also carry chemosignals.

Crying, and why we cry, has always been somewhat of an evolutionary mystery. Our eyes need to be moist, but we don’t “need” to cry. According to ophthalmologist Dr. Ebroon’s site, “In order for the eye to remain healthy, it must remain moist. The lacrimal gland is a specialized gland located under the outer one-third of the upper eyelid that makes tears. Each time you blink, the eyelid spreads the tears over the surface of the eye and pumps excess tears into a “duct” that drains the tears into your nose. That is why your nose runs when you cry.” Okay, so that’s why we have moist eyes. Now, most animals with movable eyes have the ability to cry, but they don’t usually. Not to elicit emotional responses anyway. But why do we cry? Let’s face it, even if we are socialized to not cry at work, or in certain circumstances (now the bedroom), must of us are born into this world screaming and crying our eyes out.

Most human evolution theories postulate we cry to elicit empathy. It’s something that you usually only see when you’re close to a person, unlike for example, hand waving. For some evolutionary reason science hasn’t fully uncovered, we cry. Here’s the thing, even if tears do have chemical signals, why do we cry sometimes alone? Crying is, for many adults, a very private act. Indeed, many of us cry alone, in the privacy of a bathroom. Maybe we are chemosignaling to ourselves. Yes, there is some research done by Dr. Michael Frey from the St. Paul-Ramsey Medical Center that suggests we may shed tears to release certain stress chemicals. In fact, as part of an experiment Frey had subjects smell onions and watch sad movies, the tears that were shed were chemically different.

Back to the study at hand, does this mean though that tears induce empathy? Meaning empathy is a turn off to men? Maybe, when it comes to the sack, yes. Ask any guy and he’d probably say he didn’t need a scientific study to figure out that it’s a turn-off when the tears start rolling.

Why don’t other animals cry? Well, some do, but most mammals do not cry. Sure dogs and cats whine to get food, but do they shed tears? No. Thank goodness, it’d be a lot harder to resist giving Fido a cookie if the family pet actually starting shedding crocodile tears. For anyone wondering, crocodiles do in fact shed tears, in fact they weep a little when they are eating. Maybe crocodiles are the ultimate foodies, truly moved to tears with every bite. Super unsexy, however, is the horned lizard. The horned lizard cries blood.

Next time you’re in the bedroom and you feel the urge to cry and you do — great. You got it out of your “system” literally, through your eyes. Thank your sweetie for being a great guy, and try to reserve the tears for more appropriate situations — like a public place.

Crying in public, now there’s another great way to woo a man.

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  • @andycrosby

    what a stupid article.!!! The reason someone cries in a relationship is because the relationship SUCKS and you ware NOT GETTING WHAT YOU NEED OUT OF IT!!

    if you are crying or feeling like crap…get the hell out of that f’d up relationship for God’s sake!! The man or the woman you are with is abusing you in some way…and don’t really give a crap about who you really are and why you are crying in the first place.

    Listen to your gut, listen to your emotions ….. go find someone who will make you ‘happy’…not make you cry.

    Even more important is this: YOU ARE CRYING BECAUSE EITHER YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH THE SITUATION OR THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH IS MAKING YOU MISERABLE. Your emotions are completely legitimate, valid…and if you feel like crying…cry!! No f’n doctor or idiot should tell you that you shouldn’t cry. Crying is a good thing, feeling sad is a good thing, being yourself…happy, unhappy, etc…are all good things. It is human to cry, be unhappy, and even be miserable. But here is the answer….YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR HAPPINESS…SO DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY….f the doctor, f the stupid idiotic articles, don’t pretend, and tell every m’ f’er to go f themselves….because you know who you are…and what make YOU HAPPY!!

  • @andycrosby

    To andycrosby

    the reason you run away is not because they are crying…its because you are scared shitless. lol

    and oh btw…you have an emotional intelligence of a rat!! but not all “boys” are intelligent enough to realize that human being have emotions. well…we know you don’t…the fact that you don’t want your woman to be a woman but a MAN!!…is very interesting.

    see men don’t cry because they have been told by their fathers, by tv shows, by society to not cry…and they can’t handle when women cry…because they have never been taught to handle it.

    here is my suggestion buddy…get yourself a blow up doll…she will never cry, never speak back, never be emotional, never dig your gold, never hurt you, never use your razor, never, EVER HAVE ANY EMOTIONS…WHAT SO EVER.

    I think a lot of men out there like you are totally stupid about emotions and stupid f’n articles like this perpetuate the myth that men have no emotions, women shouldn’t be emotional, we should stop being humans. WHAT A LOAD OF SHYTE!!!

    All I can say is if you don’t want a real human being to love…go get yourself someone who is dead…blow up dolls work wonders…or pay up for prostitutes…they will do exactly what you want them to…without any emotions. Otherwise shut your trap and learn what it means to be a human being!!

    There is nothing wrong with it!!

  • “Back to the study at hand, does this mean though that tears induce empathy? Meaning empathy is a turn off to men? Maybe, when it comes to the sack, yes. Ask any guy and he’d probably say he didn’t need a scientific study to figure out that it’s a turn-off when the tears start rolling.”

    WHAT THE F IS WRONG WITH EMPATHY?? What idiot told you Irene McGee that all men can’t stand crying. You as a woman is your own best enemy!! You would rather cry on the bathroom floor, all alone rather than be supported by someone you share you daily life with?? What the hell is wrong with this f’d up screw’d up idea?

    Here we are in the 21st century perpetuating the myths of 1 BC…that men don’t have any emotions, men don’t cry, men are emotional idiots because women like you write ridiculous articles like these to justify why they should continue to be emotional idiots!!! And women should hide their emotions and act like they are blow up dolls…always happy, always sexy, always ‘pretending’ to be inhuman.

    You know if men want to be with women who are un-emotional…they come to realize that they need to be with other men and gay. Emotions are part of being a human…men do cry…men do have feelings…men are even more hurt…men are no better than women…but they are forced remain unemotional because of bs like these studies and articles form idiotic women like you.

    In any good relationships…there are fights, there is screaming, there id drama, there is CRYING….MEN AND WOMEN!!! That’s what makes US HUMAN….you idiot!!

    I am so sick and tired of seeing women like you condone the repression of what human being feel and what they SHOULD be doing to hide it…what for…SEX!? Change your emotions so you can PLEASE A MAN!! WTF!!!!

    I don’t want to change myself. I don’t want to HAVE TO EARN A MAN’S LOVE by holding back my emotions. I am part of them and they are part of me…if a man is an asshole and has an emotional intelligence of a rat…well then he can just scurry on to his little cave and stay there…if he wants to love me…he will have to accept every part of me…the one that cries, the one that laughs, the one that is happy, the one that is unhappy…if he can’t do that….he isn’t the man worth having around.

    Either support me when I am sad and I cry…of take your unempathic ass to some prostitute or blow up doll who will never cry. Your non-acceptance of who I am…crying, laughing, shitting, pissing…is not acceptable to me!!

    Irene McGee…may I sugest you take the time to learn what it is to be a human being…and yourself…and don’t sell any snake oil bs…that only perpetuates the pretentiousness of women even more. You are the cause of more drama right now.

  • What womens’ tears bring out in men is the evolved instinct to PROTECT. This is evolution’s method of separating the men from the boys for mating purposes: a male who is immature either physically or psychologically literally knows in his “bones” (body) that he is not CAPABLE of protecting a woman from whatever is hurting her.

    The Human body simply has not evolved to do two big things at once (the classic example is how digestion gets put on hold when serious muscular exertion is going on), or process two separate and distinct loci of pain at once. Similarly, the male MIND can’t stay randy while it’s busy being protective…which, in the modern context, is a bad thing just as often as it is a good one. Females are Nature’s multi-taskers…which also, in the modern context, is a bad thing just as often as it is a good one.

    Vive la difference!

  • @Karen Smith Nobody is saying there’s something wrong with empathy. She was just saying that in regards to sexual arousal, it’s a turn off. Clearly any guy worth it isn’t going to be mad at you, or dislike you, because you’re crying. He’s just not going to want to have sex with you while you are. I don’t see why anyone would have a problem with that though.

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