Inspiration
If we held onto our imperfections, we'd never let go of anything.
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Recently a patient of mine, who suffers from depression, was very anxious about her upcoming 40th birthday party. Birthdays can produce anxiety in lots of people, and for this patient the added pressure of wanting the perfect party was causing her to excessively worry. She agonized and obsessed over every detail of the party, from the music to the catering. Worse, she began to obsess on things outside of her control. Would her guests have fun? Would her friends get along? Her worrying began to preoccupy her, so that instead of being able to anticipate her party with pleasure, she began to dread it. Her big day was becoming a big disaster, in her mind anyway.
We’ve all been there to some extent. We’re excited about something – maybe a wedding, a birthday party, or a vacation – so excited in fact we over-plan, over-obsess and drown ourselves in the anxiety of anticipation. Our minds mistakingly think if we play through the worst possible scenario in our mind, we would be better prepared to handle the disappointment. The reality is we ruin the days leading up to the event.
How do you stop this spiral of negative thinking when you are so nervous about an upcoming event?
1. For starters, if you are nervous about an event, it’s a great idea to find a friend to help you plan the event. Having a friend take on some of the responsibility will allow you to give up your “control” both mentally and physically. Another reason asking for help is a good idea, is because friends can also help you emotionally. My patient, for example, could use her party planning friend’s perspective to moderate her own negative view.
2. Another idea is to focus on the positive. Think of all the parties or events that were similar to whatever you are planning that went right. Picture all the fun you had, and try and hold those images in your mind.
3. Also if you are planning for a big event, it’s ok to tell your friends (guests) you are nervous. That way your friends will know to give you extra encouragement the day of the event.
Remember, a day may seem “big” but ultimately our lives are made up of a series of days.
* All clients referred to in this column and newsletter are fictitious.
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